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Every single day, I wake up to a barrage of direct messages from possible suitors and suitresses. I halfheartedly peruse through these messages before realizing I’m wasting my own very valuable time. Even if I settled down with one person, people would still chase after me. Because I am not a perfect man; I am the perfect man. Think about it, I fit all the criteria:

-I am a Man

And that’s it! So instead of indulging these desperate pleas for a sliver of my greatness that sit in my inbox, I decided I would make more of an open…


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Two months ago, I was working at the same place I had worked at since I was sixteen, which left me completely despondent and devoid of hope. Two weeks ago, I had a new job that felt fresh, invigorating, and inviting. Today, I have quit both of those jobs and instead see the prospect of blogging as a sustainable outlet. Let me explain:

I’m dumb as hell. If there was an International Dumb Guy Competition, I would misread the invitation and think there was an International Dumbo Guy Competition happening, and I would toss the invite aside because my ears…


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I don’t mean to brag, but I have always been known to be a man of extraordinary wealth. I have been known to have a net worth of double, triple, and — after my stimulus check hit — even quadruple digits. So clearly, money has never been much of a real hindrance for me. However, how I spend that money has caused a bit of a dilemma for me, especially recently.

I know I said previously that I don’t mean to brag but now, I fully intend to brag: I have $499.99 in my bank account right now which for…


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The phrase “nectar of the Gods” dates all the way back to ancient Greek civilization, yet Taco Bell and their nacho cheese sauce was established in 1962 so this begs the question: what the fuck were people thinking before 1962? The idea of liking anything — let alone calling it “nectar of the Gods” — before experiencing Taco Bell’s nacho cheese is inconceivable to me. Taco Bell’s nacho cheese is truly taste bud euphoria, but perhaps its intrinsic healing properties can be absorbed in a different, non-oral manner. …


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Your twenties are always a confusing time since you are stuck between your adolescent teen years, in which you stumble through high school and figure out which scent of Axe body spray you want to overuse, and your viciously unappealing thirties, in which you are practically already dead. In a way, your 20’s are purgatory. And while we know you can’t take your worldly possessions with you to Heaven, no one has ever said the same for purgatory.

Earning money in your 20’s is a challenge because people will never take you seriously. Perhaps an employer has interest in you…


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The cover of my novel which will be ready for purchase whenever a publisher calls me back.

I make my home deep in the freezing corner booth of a coffee shop nestled in the bloated, arrhythmic heart of Newark, New Jersey. It is my first time being out since the big break up, though you wouldn’t be able to tell from my attitude. I’m here for the same reason a lion waits in a field where buffaloes graze. Once I find that the time is right, I am going to catch myself a buffalo. But like, not to eat. I’m not gonna eat someone in this coffee shop.

I examine my buffaloes from the safety of my…


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I am not confident about much in life. With that said, I am 100% confident that the person who first said, “If you gotta go, you gotta go” had never seen a porta potty. You absolutely do not “gotta go” when using a porta potty. In fact, I have made a comprehensive list of all the places you can “go” instead of a porta potty. Unfortunately, the list expanded to over 452 (it’s 453) alternatives to a porta potty, so it is far too long to include in this review.

However, sometimes you are in a place where none of…


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The calm before the storm.

These days, often the first thing you see when logging onto Twitter is news of someone’s death — and if not their actual death, then their career’s death. It’s almost as if we have become completely desensitized to death. We log on. We see someone has died. We feel a pathetic excuse for “grief” for a few, fleeting seconds. Then we continue scrolling to laugh at some meme we will forget about seconds after laughing at it. It’s a cycle that we’re all in. And it pains me to say it, but I recently broke the cycle.

Yesterday, I got…


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I’ve always had an interest in two things: cooking and helping others. However, I have never indulged my interest in either one of those things. Whenever someone texts me and asks for help, I pretend I’m asleep and don’t respond. And whenever I do respond, I simply tell them, “Sorry, I was asleep.”

With cooking, a similar thing would happen where whenever I was hungry and needed to cook, I would just go to sleep instead because sleep is a meal you don’t need a recipe for. Because of this easy work-around, I never really tried to cook. …


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Thursday was the 2019 NBA Draft, and it was a star-studded affair — at least for the first fifteen minutes or so. The league ushered in the probable face of the next generation of the NBA with Zion Williamson. One of the league’s most popular teams finally (again) got a potential star when the Knicks drafted RJ Barrett. And of course, nobody wanted to draft Bol Bol because they were afraid of the spiderweb on his jacket.

Will Lepper

havin fun

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